I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
