Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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