we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
