i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
