i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
