I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
