I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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