Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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