You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
