If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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