"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My breasts were aching with rage.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
