so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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