Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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