New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
