Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
