She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
you never un-have a 4some
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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