there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
