Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize