Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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