Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
