Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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