party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
