Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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