can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
