First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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