I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
