just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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