like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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