I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she told me i tasted like america
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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