your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
