I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
