We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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