I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
