Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
