I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
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