She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize