i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
