someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize