He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
