Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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