I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
