I am puke
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
