Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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