I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
