I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
