thus making me awesome and them whores
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
