Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think my moral compass just broke
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize