shes about as inviting as chlamydia
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
