we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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