I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
