If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
