so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
