I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
