I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
