theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize