My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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