Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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