he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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