oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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