the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
