well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
