You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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