So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
