I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
