i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
