we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
