My nipple is on Facebook.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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