It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
we're so committed to being not committed
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize