Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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