I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
