Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
