singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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