Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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