Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i was born a porn star she said
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
