so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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