Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I could fuck to npr.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
